Nibbling With Nifflers
by Zamnaii
Summary: In the snow, Gilderoy has an adventure with Nifflers. Will it be a close shave?


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Nibbling With Nifflers

By Zamii

The writing of this book, the last in my beloved series, brings deep sorrow to my heart as it is time to say farewell to the fans that mean so much to me. You have brought millions upon millions of galleons and I hope to share this money with you. As I'm such a magic, loveable character I've decided that I should invest my money in worthwhile causes such as:

* The Gilderoy Lockhart Self Appreciation Club, a club set up by me so others can enjoy the benefits that I enjoy;

* The _Witch Weekly_ Most Charming Smile Fund, I set this up so others can have brilliant smiles like myself;

* The _Wizard Wireless Network's_ fashion broadcast, you can't go past wearing the right sort of labels, designer outfits and cloaks;

* The Lilac Is My Aphrodisiac Club, many people find that the colour lilac is often a better replacement for rhino horn, finger nails and hair strands;

* S.P.E.W, the Society for Protection of Elfish Welfare, I set this scheme up as well;

* The House-Elf Liberation Front, another of my brilliant schemes;

* The We-All-Need-Peas Society, a society built to introduce the many ways in which peas can bring peace all around the world;

* And C.H.E.E.S.E, Cheeses are Here Eternally Everywhere So Eat'm.

Many other causes are indeed worthy of this money but I feel that those are the most worthy espescially C.H.E.E.S.E. I personally love cheese and feel others should too! Cheese is one of the most delicious foods ever. I've gone up to many people and asked them if they like cheese and I've never heard them say "I don't like them cheeses!" I mean cheese is by far the best food on the whole damn planet!

Well I reckon I've talked for long enough and it's time to get on with the shoe, I mean show. These muggle contraptions they call computers are damn annoying. I still haven't figured out how to delete a letter or anything like that. Well anyway the show must go on! So I see it riding off into the distance on its Nimbus 2000.

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It was a brisk mid-winter morning. Professor Kettleburn, Care of Magical Creatures professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was setting out his prized nifflers, I've often had experience in dressing up nifflers, I once won first prize by dressing up my pet niffler in my favourite colour, lilac, but that indeed is certainly a completely different story.

Professor Kettleburn was kind enough to let me have the pleasure and delight of looking for gold amidst Hagrid's hut, who is the gamekeeper at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where there was a freshly cut cabbage patch where many rag dolls stood alone which means that they're not together. Well obviously that's what alone means I mean only some stupid people can mistake being alone with being with someone or someone else.

I took off riding on the back of the niffler, who I had chosen as she had a sleak lilac-like cloak, and went through the mazes deep down under the sorrowing earth which was were the king of serpents, the basilisk of the Chamber of Secrets, was created.

I saw the shredded remains of the basilisk but then deep down I found out that a chimera had once resided here under the ground where it had been buried to celebrate it's death. The nifflers found gold and started nibbling. I decided that while I was with them I should follow the ways of my hosts who were the nifflers.

I bit into the cold, hard skin of the gold and I found that I was pleasantly surprised with its taste. The gold tasted of Honeydukes chocolate which you can find in Hogsmeade and other wizarding settlements. I've been a great supporter of Honeyduke chocolate which I am proud to announce that I am a proud shareholder of.

The nifflers put the gold in their mouth's and set off still through the winding, burrowing maze. I had expected them to set back off up to the earths surface but they didn't. I kept on my nifflers back as I knew that as quick a runner I was I wouldn't be able to get to the earths surface as the ground kept crumbling and caving in to itself.

The nifflers repeated the process of finding gold, eating it then setting off to find more gold and after a good three, four or maybe even five hours we got back up to the earths surface. But we weren't back at the cabbage patch outside of Hagrid's hut. We where in the Forbidden Forest where stand unicorns, foals, centaurs and many other glamorous magical creatures which you can find in _Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide To Brilliant Magical Creatures_.

The Forbidden Forest is called the Forbidden Forest for a reason. It is indeed forbidden from Hogwarts students as it is a dark, mysterious forest that only highly skilled wizards and witches can enter. You need to have knowledge of the _Lumos _spell which few people can indeed know about let alone can they do it!

I kept with the nifflers though and eventually I came to a apple tree. The nifflers dug up the earth around the apple tree and started nibbling on the apples once the tree had fallen down. I remembered the old saying that my old man had once told me. When with nifflers do as the nifflers. It was indeed a well worthy piece of advise as by gosh those little nifflers know how to have a mighty good feast! If I hadn't known that I was in the Forbidden Forest I would have thought that I was at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as the food that the nifflers provided me was off the same calibre supplied by the mere hundred House-Elves who find Hogwarts as their home-beyond-home.

I found my way back in the Quidditch field moments later when the nifflers dug their way there with me still on their back. I had been through quite a journey that day with the nifflers and I found that I was worn out quite considerably.

I made sure that the nifflers got back safely to the kind, generous Professor Kettleburn and that is where my story ends.

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I've mentioned this numerous times now but I can't believe it's my last book I'm going to write! I've just wiped a tear from my eye and I can't help but wonder what I will do without the support I receive from my many legions of loyal, honest, diligente fans. I'm Gilderoy Lockhart signing off forever.

Gilderoy Lockhart.

Gilderoy Lockhart.

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The End.


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